


The Green Eyed King

by thicc_succ_for_a_bucc



Category: Fall Out Boy, Merlin (TV), My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Jokes, M/M, Memes, i cant even with myself, i dont even know, im very pleased with myself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-02
Updated: 2016-10-05
Packaged: 2018-08-19 04:31:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 4,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8190157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thicc_succ_for_a_bucc/pseuds/thicc_succ_for_a_bucc
Summary: A visiting prince, Sir Iero, is interested in Merlin and Arthur is very unhappy with the turn of events. Very uhappy, indeed. 
Much dueling. Very wow.





	1. Rotten Tomatoes, Squelchy Apples, and Moldy Cabbage, Oh My

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this for an english assignment and I had to present it. for a teacher i did not like. this is the result. side note - their expressions were hilarious, but not as hilarious as my friend's use of the phrase "their kiss was moist and passionate" in a freard fic, so...

Merlin has always gone underappreciated in his life. He was always the last to eat at parties, always the person to hold the door open, no thank you Pete in reply to his, admittedly, too loony, too friendly smile. He couldn't help that, with his too big ears and his ratty clothing. That was just who he was that week.

But this. This blatant disrespect Arthur thrusted upon him was way too much sometimes. 'I mean, honestly', Merlin thought with a scowl as he washed his hundredth muddy boot with a thought, magic filled with air almost soothing his soul, but, not enough to not be happy with the turn of events.

"Wash my boots, Merlin," mumbled Merlin sourly, sounding like a loon in the streets. "Muck my stables, Merlin."

Arthur was very noble. Merlin understood this, from the way he cared about his people and the way he fought so passionately in battle for the rights of his people and friends. He clearly was very noble.

With Merlin, Arthur never showed any of that. He demanded of him, belittled him. Maybe he was joking around, but to Merlin, it didn't matter.

Arthur would never see him in his true light. Saving his life too many times to count. Maybe Merlin could trust him with his secret, he wanted to...oh gods did he want to tell Arthur. But. He would never accept him.

That just wasn't how it worked. Sure, Arthur wasn't like his father, Uther, hatred of magic oozing out his pores like a ripped up sponge, too ratty to use, yet too unused to throw away. He was thrown away, in a way, though, as he died. Bad metaphor there, Hank Green.

But, and maybe this was just the paranoid side of his brain talking, he wasn't so sure in his beliefs that he was just gonna drop to his knees in front of Arthur, confess his love and that be it. Magic. Confess his magic.

He wasn't ready to face that fact just yet. Denial. He wasn't denying that he was in denial. Merlin does not know what the word denial means in the first place then, and the author is just probably sleep deprived. Shh, they didn't break the fourth wall, what are you talking about.

He heard footsteps and went into a panic!

He stopped the flow of his magic abruptly, the boot hitting the dusty ground with a large plop. Someone should really dust these floors more often. No one was going to do it, though. Absolutely no one, because, in this castle, people were lazy sods, himself not excluded because he was just using magic to clean one boot. He has no room to talk.

"Merlin!" Oh great.

"Yes, your royal Clotpole?" Merlin asked with a smile. He knew he was too sarcastic for his own good. One time, when he was captured by bandits, he was so sarcastic that they just let him go, saying he wasn't worth it. See! Complaining and sarcasm do make a difference.

"Merlin," Arthur sighed, too used to Merlin's antics to really care, not even that angered by them anymore, saying just to put up a front, "maybe you should go to the stocks for that insolence."

Merlin choked on his spit. He probably would choke on much more if he were put in the stocks, if memory served correctly. Rotten tomatoes, squelchy APPLES, and mouldy cabbage, oh my.

"I'm sorry."

Arthur looked at him as if he was crazy. More so than usual, actually.

"You're sorry? Whatever for? You never apologize, Merlin."

"I'm sorry for the insolence, sire."

Merlin was looking at his feet, for once too upset to make eye contact. If he tried to make friendly jibes like they used to, he was shot down. Tried to apologize, Arthur didn't accept it. He didn't know how to win these days.

"Merlin." Arthur sighed. He left the room, and Merlin continued to look down at his feet.

Not JUST BECAUSE he was upset, although that was a main part of it, no. He had a spot of mud on his favourite, cough, only, pairs of shoes.

Bollocks.


	2. Ryan Ross is Mentioned Here Somewhere...As Well As Mighty Swords

Merlin, Arthur, and two other knights were on a hunting party to collect some pigeon and quail because the kitchen was getting low stocked. As you do.

Even though Arthur has had multiple attempts on his life over the years, he leaves the castle. Like a dumb-bum.

He indeed is as bone-headed as he is noble. Merlin, one of these days, is going to ask for a week off, as he is so done being the silent protector. Never getting thanked, ever, for saving the King's royal behind.

The only time he was ever thanked for saving Arthur's life, his father Uther gave him the job as manservant. Not served with much gratitude. Such job. Very wow.

And this time was no different than the rest. But. Remember kids. Time is a tool you can put on the wall or wear it on your wrist. The past is far behind us, the future doesn't exist. Let's go on a journey, a journey through time~.

It started out as a normal day, of course. It always does. The sun was shining. Birds were singing. Arthur Pendragon was being a royal prat.

Then, Merlin's horse started hesitating and nickering. He soothed the horse, as he didn't much feel like getting thrown off when something inevitably went down, as this was such a common occurrence, it was almost a common person he smiled to in the streets. Common people... he bought APPLES from.

He sighed. He knew it. People should always listen to Merlin.  
...Always.

Twelve bandits came crashing from the trees, swords and bows in hand and looking very determined. Very determined, indeed. For what, though, Merlin was very certain they were at a certain age where one thing was certainly on their minds...not boys...homicide.

There were only five from Camelot, so this was going to be very outmatched. But then again they had four very capable Camelot knights, and a powerful warlock to boot. Who was watching boots...about a week ago.

One who had to be very careful not to out himself prematurely or else he'd surely be killed, but that is Mikey and Gerard Way besides the point. That is quite possibly the last thing on Merlin's mind at the moment, as the bandits ...are almost upon them now.

Merlin jumped down from his horse, watching the battle. Ready to strike out a spell if need be. Let's be honest here...a spell was always needed. The show was about the main character using magic. The fourth wall breaks are so relevant to the story, you don't even know.

Arthur and the three knights are holding up fine, until they're not; ...one of the knights take an arrow to the knee.

He screamed. Not unlike the mortal combat scream, although the author would like to reprimand themselves on a another (said by Dj Khaled) unnecessary reference, and also breaking the fourth wall. Again. They need some milk. Ryan Ross is mentioned here somewhere.

Arthur immediately turned on hearing the fourth wall break, cough, scream.

Arthur walked the distance and struck his sword against the perpetrator's chest and he fell to the ground, expressionless. Not quite. He did have an expression. The "He Josh Brendoned Goofed and is Now Dead Because of It" expression.

"Who can say where the road goes~, where the day goes~," can be faintly heard in the distance as the soundtrack. Who wrote this filth? Ah yes. Trash.

Somewhere, as well, a classroom is laughing at a really bad attempt to be what the kids call...relatable. (*Dabs really slowly and awkwardly*)

The knight that got shot in the knee, by this point, has passed out from the pain. He was also probably very stressed out, and if there was a judge nearby, he would've wanted to be set free.

The author is gonna go far, kid, because of all these references.

Arthur Pendragon has killed four of the bandits, and the other knight, the one who was not shot in the knee, has taken out two.

Just as the seventh bandit hit the ground with a flop, dead, Merlin's eyes are glued to the giant bandit about to slash Arthur with his mighty sword.

This would not sit well with Merlin, because the only one who would get to kill Arthur would be Merlin. For being such a royal Clotpole. Merlin thought about the end way too much, but it was just so fun to fantasize, sometimes. You know?

Merlin looked around for a split second, looking for an object that could be magicked in conveniently that wouldn't be seen.

Just his luck. The giant beast of a man was standing under a large, thick tree branch. Merlin was Constantly Thanking the Gods For Esteban this day, for sure.

He dropped the log on the hulking bandit. One thing was getting smashed tonight, that's for sure. His skull.

Hearing the crash, an easily startled black and white mare bolts from the scene.

The other knight, too much of an extra to name at this point, took care of the last two with a swish and flick of the wrist.

Hermione would be proud this day, and would get almost killed because of a TROLL IN THE DUNGEONS...thought you all should know. (*Fake collapses*)

Arthur and the other knight carry the injured and passed out knight on a horse that did not jump from the sinking ship, so to speak. My heart will go on.

That left two usable horses remaining with no injured, passed out knights with arrows in their knees on them.

The conscious knight, who we will probably not name, ever, in this book, took it upon himself to get his own horse. Serves the author for not giving him a name. There's going to be a lawsuit on their hands.

That left Arthur and Merlin sharing a horse. The author is very...hoarse from laughing at this turn of events.

And that's how they made it back to Camelot.

Merlin in the front, controlling the horse, and Arthur in the back, making scathing comments on his skills as a rider.

The prat.


	3. Pull Out Game A Little Too Strong In This Instance

There was a party thrown in the knight's honor.

Not Merlin. Just the knights.

Typical.

Although if he were to just take off his shirt, running around screaming that he saved the King's life with sorcery would not go down well. He would be burned at the stake and then as he watched above, his mother's tears would be streaming down her face.

No. That didn't sound like the greatest thing to do. Merlin knows things, so of course he would go through with his...idea.

So he just stayed quiet, refilling Arthur's wine cup and staying by his side.

As well as make sarcastic comments under his breath and make fun of Arthur when he said anything too...fresh.

An hour passed into the party and nothing too interesting happened. As long as you don't consider a noble lady falling straight into a table and breaking it, making everything fall off one end and on to the floor, interesting.

No one helped her up, as well. People were so nice, weren't they. As well as getting sloshed, but that was beside the point.

It seemed people were throwing this party to honor the hunting party that took down twelve knights, and in the same amount, throwing this party to get absolutely sloshed.

The noble lady still on the floor was proof of that. Someone should help her up, though. Seriously.

Just then, the doors burst open and a man with a prince's crown walked in, long hair reaching his neck, bouncing as he walked.

Arthur pulled out of the table to greet the newcomer. His pull out game was a little too strong this instance as the chair toppled to the ground. The intoxication helped a little in this predicament, as well.

"I apologize, sir?..." Arthur trailed off, intoxicated brain running really slow...much Interent Explorer. Miley what's good?

"Sir Iero, King Pendragon."

He looked at Arthur in a disproving way, like looking at a five year old that got into your champagne/cocaine/gasoline mix. For shame, kid.

"I am very familiar with you, as you are a neighboring potential ally, but I have to say, I am not familiar with the fey looking man behind you."

Merlin was staring blankly across the room, but when he heard himself mentioned, he snapped to attention like a rubber band.

"Surely you can't be serious? You find Merlin attractive?" Arthur asked in a confused, petulant voice.

"Of course. He is beautiful."

Merlin went red.

"Oh, uh...I don't know about that," trailed Merlin, embarrassed.

Arthur glanced at Merlin.

"Nonsense! You are gorgeous. Simply beautiful."

He was looking at his feet, red-faced and offly...cute?

No. Not cute. Plain. Ordinary. Not other-wordly beautiful level that could not be matched by any other.

Bugger.

Arthur was attracted to Merlin.

And there was a rival for his affections.

Bollocks.


	4. Arthur Was Unhappy

Arthur was very unhappy. Very unhappy indeed.

For his manservant was otherwise busy showing Sir...Iero the castle, as HE WANTED no one but Merlin.

Arthur was unhappy.

What was Arthur supposed to do, then?

Challenge him to a duel, win and that be that?

No.

It would all have to depend on how Merlin responded to the wooing, and so far, he wasn't running for the hills.

And plus. Even if Arthur did challenge Iero to a duel, Arthur would win, and that would damage the relationship between potential allies if he took it badly.

And on the offhand, slight, just slight, far off chance that Arthur lost, and Merlin responded to the wooing, he would be lost to Arthur forever.

So.

Arthur was unhappy.

Merlin truly was irreplaceable.

Saving his life once a week with the help of sorcery dug a thorn so wickedly in the side of Arthur that if he ever lost Merlin he would go ballistic.

Arthur discovered this little tidbit about Merlin when his food was warm when he didn't touch it for hours after.

And the logic just came barreling in. The fallen logs. Enemies tripping at opportune times.

The moron. Sweet, thoughtful moron. Who had a death wish.

But.

Merlin is the only one who doesn't take any CRAP from him. When he thinks Arthur is being an idiot and not thinking, he'll go flat out and say it.

Arthur respects that, but at times Merlin is a little too opinionated for his own good and could get in serious trouble one day for it.

So...Merlin was too pure for this world, in short. Too precious.

Arthur was so whipped. He admitted it. So. There.


	5. The Shipping Dragon is Problematic

Merlin was...uncomfortable to say the least.

Having someone compliment you was nice and all, but.

Arthur.

Sir Iero is very kind, and generous, and chivalrous.

But love does not go away overnight, and Arthur is...snarky, and rude, and the other side of his coin, as Kilgarrah and his mother said.

The shipping dragon was right, it seemed. There was no escaping your destiny, and Merlin couldn't escape Arthur.

Not like he particularly wanted to, either. Unrequited love was tricky like that.

Merlin had finished showing Sir Iero around hours ago, and he was still reeling.

Earlier that day:

"This is where the stables are," Merlin announced to the quiet and calm atmosphere.

Arthur was no where to be seen.

He was conducting a plan on how not to lose Merlin, that tidbit lost to the oblivious Warlock in question.

Sir Iero was not staring at the horses, (who were quite peeved at not getting APPLES from the gay humans), but at the esquisite creature in the stables, known in these parts, as Merlin.

"I see, then."

Merlin turned to look at Sir Iero. And stopped.

Sir Iero had moved way closer than before, and Merlin had to look up to see his face clearly.

Sir Iero went to extend his arm to caress Merlin's cheek.

Merlin moved out of the way just in time beforehand though, holding up his arms in a placating manner.

"Uh...that is very flattering, and I appreciate the compliments, but. I'm in love with someone else."

"It's Arthur," Iero sighed, "isn't it?"

Merlin was startled.

"How did you know?"

"You just confirmed it." Merlin looked away, embarrassed.

"Point taken." He conceded.

"I'll help you make him jealous."

Merlin stood there, wide eyes and disbelieving.

"You'd do that for me? A total stranger?"

"Of course. If I can't have you, I'd like to see you happy if I believe it's in my ability." See? A perfect gentleman.

"But what if it doesn't work?" Merlin asked with uncertainty.

"Merlin. Anyone would be lucky to have you. It will work, just have faith in yourself."

In the present:

Merlin smiled. This was going to be...interesting.


	6. Jesus Was Not Arthur's Helmet

Merlin and Iero had set up their plans and now it was time to play it out.

So.

One day Arthur was walking by the steps of Camelot and stopped.

There, Merlin and Iero were sitting on the steps holding hands.

It looked as if they didn't see him, but in actuality were all too aware of his presence.

They had to be for the plan to work.

They were laughing and smiling, Sir Iero telling Merlin a joke at some point that had Merlin in stitches.

Merlin should be careful, if he tells that joke he's going to need a walker.

Arthur was not having it...and jesus was certainly not his helmet as he left with such a furious anger he slipped as he rounded the corner and hit his head on the ground.

Little orbs FLASHED around his head, the dizzying feeling only increasing when he realized Merlin truly was getting farther and farther from his reach.

He got up. Slowly.

He marched back to Merlin, the soles of his feet slapping against the ground like a pancake to the face.

He rounded the corner, again, hell bent on telling Merlin he had a job to do.

They were not there.

Where could they have gone?

[they were not there, Cotton Eyed John]

Arthur left like you would in a panic at the disco. Well. More like anxiety in a coffee shop. Technically. Partially. Arthur didn't know exactly, as he was a Camelot knight, and not a weeaboo emo author who doesn't know what they're doing with their life.

Breaking the fourth wall is just like a bull in a china shop...it shouldn't happen, and when it does, it's a train wreck. You just can't help but watch it happen and you can do nothing to stop it.

Arthur didn't know what to do.

At all.

Someone help this man.

Well, his help came in the form of his two friends and fellow knights, Gwaine and Percival.

You see, Gwaine was the sort of person you took to a tavern and didn't come home with as he was too drunk to leave his chair and passed out in his food. Percival was the one to carry him home, silently.

That described their relationship perfectly, actually. Look at the author go, making sense. Give them a hand, everybody.

Percival was the one Arthur depended on. Gwaine was just there. He existed, basically, when help was needed. He didn't participate in the actual helping, you see.

And that's what Percival did. Help.

Gwaine ate food in the background.


	7. A Contemplation of Murder, Two Finger Salutes and Puns

Gwaine and Percival's job was to find Merlin. And Arthur's rival. Cough. Sir Iero.

They found them in the stables, feeding the horses apples.

When they were not looking Gwaine went up and stole an apple. What? Gwaine was hungry.

Percival gave Gwaine a long suffering look, pinching the bridge of his nose. What did he do to deserve this?

Gwaine, happily munching on his apple, gave Percival a two finger salute.

Savage.

They left the scene, and in Gwaine's case, left the scene of the...grime. Stables were filthy. Cue applause for that pun.

When they made their way to Arthur's room, they were concerned. Very concerned. [be concerned ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

The place was a mess. Bed not made. Scrolls on the floor. Chamberpot tipped over. At one point there was a pig in the room, maybe two of them.

Two pigs in a King's bedroom. And that was not a euphemism.

Not at all.

There were muddy prints all over the floor.

Arthur, while the judging was happening, was contemplating murder. Sir Iero's murder, not Merlin's. Though, that was debatable, as well.

Iero was a bug. A disgustang bug underneath Arthur's foot, and should be squashed. How dare he steal his manservant. His!

If this went on for any longer, he would duel for Merlin's hand.

He had to.

His brain went, "You gotta'."

For Camelot.


	8. Where There's a Will There's a Gerard Way

Merlin and Sir Iero's plan was going great.

Arthur was visibly angry, and the whispers from maids gave word that Arthur had completely gone off the handle.

Fresh... out the door, if you will.

Merlin was feeing a little bit bad, though. Bad to the bone. It gave him chills at night. He was chilling all relaxing just maxing out alone in his room most nights because of this.

Sir Iero, on the flip side, was feeling good. He got to make a King jealous. Win-win.

And he was happy for another reason, too.

Iero had his eye on another. His name was Gerard. He was a nobleman.

He was always frowning and looked like he didn't want to be in public.

A man after his own heart.

But he could not do anything about it until the plan was finished. He didn't want to ruin it.

It was just a prank, after all, in a way.

He was going to be in a Way, after all this is said and done, ...technically, a prankster.

Merlin was feeling bad for two reasons.

1) - He had never seen Arthur this angry, and he had helped clean up the mess that was Arthur after his father kicked the bucket, the author apologizes, that was too insensitive, they instead mean passed away.

And 2) - Merlin didn't like being untrustworthy. He did it everyday, keeing his (cough cough unkept) secret to himself. He didn't like lying to Arthur.


	9. Moist

Arthur was going to pull a Destroya.

Merlin was too precious to lose to a squash like Iero. Why Arthur chose a perfectly respectable vegetale no one knows. Except Arthur.

Arthur was so fed up with everything going on around him.

His brain went, "You gotta'. You gotta' before its too late."

Arthur took the weird, almost multiple personality train of thought to heart. If he was crazy, then at least one of him was making sense.

Arthur stopped and stared at the floor in horror. He really needed to set out his priorities (*said in a Ron Weasley voice*).

He shook his head, snapping himself out of it.

Time to brawl his all so he doesn't fall into a pit of despair...he'll need a breath of air after saying all these lines. These rhymes are a crime to humanity. But also Humanity's Last Hope.

Speaking of Humanity's Last Hope...this is a really fun game.

It's a spin on Marco Polo. Every time someone yells Marco, just whisper back: "He's dead, Jean. Stop looking for him."

(*half bow and half dab twice - one for left arm one for right arm*)

The author's jokes are probably...half as funny as they were last night.

Arthur went to find Iero.

He found him with Merlin, near the pond. They were laughing and spraying each other with the water, Merlin's shirt getting very moist in the process.

Arthur cleared his throat to get their attention.

When he had both of their attention, he threw a gauntlet down at Sir Iero's feet.

"I am formally challenging you as a rival for Merlin."

Merlin was trying to hold back a smile. Inside though, he was totally squeeling. Don't be such a girl, Merlin. (*Said in Arthur's drawl*)

"Hmm, thought so. Only took you a couple of days. I could've ran off with him," chatted Iero.

Doing this had the added benefit of making Arthur angry. Ah. How he loved making people angry.

"Pull out your sword," Arthur demanded, already sliding the sharp iron out of its sheath.

"Loser hits the ground first."

Iero complied.

Merlin got out of the way. Because he was smart, and if anything went wrong he could make a sword fly out of someone's hand or something.

They took the starting stance.

It was Arthur, of course, who took the first swing.

Iero turned the sword horizontally to block, and took a step back to gain the momentum.

Arthur followed, not giving enough time for Iero to have enough power to knock him on the ground.

It looked like Arthur was winning for ten minutes, but then Arthur's boot came untied.

It seemed in the hurry to get to them, he didn't find the time to tie up his lacings.

That was a mistake.

Iero stepped on the laces just as Arthur took a running start, making him trip and fall straight on his face. That's gotta' hurt.

When Arthur came up, he felt something drilling onto his shirt. Blood. His nose was bleeding.

Merlin ran like he had to go fast, almost as if he were chasing golden rings. Merlin liked Arthur, so he surely was going to put a ring on that someday.

Arthur looked at the ground. His eyes trailed up to the bloodstains that were making his shirt moist.

He lost.

He won, though, as when he looked up Merlin kissed him on the cheek. Blood-stains and all.

"You clotpole," he smiled.

Arthur truly was blessed.


	10. Gerard Didn't Want To Be Here, and Was Ready To Go

Gerard didn't want to be here. Much like the author doesn't want to be presenting.

We can't all have what we want though.

Currently, Gerard was supposed to be a friendly face for newcomers coming to Camelot.

No. Just, no.

He was sick of seeing his face in the reflection, all smiley and happy. And he was allowed to be sick of his face, because it was his face.

No one was that happy. Except King Arthur's consort, Merlin. He was that happy.

After the day was over, (all you sinners standing up say hallelujah), Gerard sat at tavern stool.

Drinking water, because he was a responsible adult.

The above statement was a lie. He was not responsible.

He was drinking water, though.

Someone came up to sit beside him.

They had knight gear on and were kind of average height.

"Hello."

Gerard startled. No one talked to him, so this was a Pretty. Odd. Occurrence.

Gerard waved awkwardly.

"You don't talk much, do you?" Sir Iero asked with a smile.

Gerard shrugged.

And that was the start of a beautiful relationship.

The End.


End file.
